A Small Adventure Before Lothlorien
by Ladies of the Shield
Summary: Before Lothlorien, there was an adventure that no one knows about, for the Fellowship decided it was all in their best interests not to reveal it, or its events. But now, the Black Knight has began to tell of it...2 MEF story by Rachael


*~*A Small Adventure Before Lothlorien*~*  
  
  
  
In the dark folds of the cool, perilous night, in the midst of a very  
  
corrupted Fellowship, a small alliance-and a plan-began to take  
  
shape......  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
It was a bright, warm morning when it began to commence, when it all  
  
began to transfigure. When the power shifted.  
  
Lothlorien was near, only a few leagues away, as the Fellowship  
  
started to set out. In front, leading, was Aragorn, followed by  
  
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. Ensued by Boromir, Gimli, and finally  
  
Legolas.  
  
As they were traveling, Legolas began prancing around jovially, a  
  
pleased grin plastered on his gorgeous face, for he loved the  
  
sunshine, and was ever so happy to see it come out. Gimli turned and  
  
snorted rudely.  
  
"Do you know you're frolicking around like some ninny with her  
  
panties in a bunch?" the dwarf scoffed, slightly dampening the Elf's  
  
cheerful mood. Stopping for a moment, he then only smiled more  
  
broadly.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you down there, nor did I completely  
  
comprehend what your little dwarf voice remarked." Legolas then  
  
resumed what he was doing, whilst someone else watched with much  
  
interest......  
  
**MEANWHILE**  
  
As all of the proceedings took place, the mysterious stranger watched  
  
as Sam and Frodo were having a bit of an argument.  
  
"I'm telling you the truth, Sam, the man on the oatmeal box DOES NOT  
  
eat little hobbits like ourselves for breakfast! WE eat HIS cereal!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo," Sam politely responded, crossing his arms  
  
stubbornly and jutting his jaw out, pouting. "But you are mistaken. It is indeed the other way  
  
around, with the oatmeal man eating US." Sighing over the waste of a  
  
hobbit's brain such as Sam's, Frodo turned to Merry and Pippin, who  
  
were smoking weed behind them.  
  
"Here you are, Sam," Frodo told him smugly. "We shall settle this by  
  
asking Pippin and Merry. Pippin, does the man on the oatmeal box eat  
  
hobbits?" Pippin stared blankly at him with his jaw hanging open,  
  
and he drooled, as Frodo was completely unaware of the fact that  
  
Pippin was stoned on his pipe-weed.  
  
"Uh, yeah?" Merry, a little less oblivious than his friend, answered  
  
dumbly, taking another long puff from his pipe. "Uh, I think, uh,  
  
he, like, does......" He trailed off as his eyes glazed over and he  
  
passed out cold on the ground, the dust around him rising. Frodo only stared unbelieveably at these complete idiots.  
  
"And you were saying, Mr. Frodo?" Sam pried satisfactorily. Frodo  
  
allowed his shoulders to slump with frustration as he strolled on,  
  
suddenly very weary. At that precise moment a piercing scream echoed  
  
throughout the forest they were traveling through. All spun around  
  
to spot Boromir sprawled out upon the ground, an arrow protruding  
  
from his right forearm.  
  
"It BIT me!" he cried, grinding his teeth, trying to bear the pain.  
  
"Don't you mean you've been shot?" questioned Frodo.  
  
"I've been SHOT, is what I cried in the first place, Master Frodo,"  
  
Boromir corrected him.  
  
"No, you said--"  
  
"I've been SHOT!" cried Boromir, grinding his teeth, trying to bear  
  
the pain. Annoyed as ever, Frodo clenched his teeth tightly and bit his lip  
  
to keep from screaming.  
  
"Ooh, look! There's a message attached!" pointed out Aragorn,  
  
lightly sprinting up and plucking the arrow from his comrade's arm carelessly.  
  
"Ahhh! What did you do THAT for?" screamed Boromir, squeezing his  
  
arm tightly where the arrow had been.  
  
"It did not pierce your skin in the first place," Legolas told him, flicking his  
  
long blonde hair and rolling his eyes. Confused, the man searched his arm for a wound,  
  
but found none. Sheepishly, he just listened with the rest of the  
  
Fellowship as Aragorn struggled to read the letter out loud.  
  
"I-I ch-chall-challenge you t-to a-a," Aragorn stuttered.  
  
"Duel," Frodo aided, tracing the word with his finger and helping  
  
Aragorn to pronounce them.  
  
"Oh, will you shut the challenged ranger UP?" demanded Boromir  
  
angrily. "Let a REAL man announce this message."  
  
"At least I didn't cry like a pansy when I wasn't even shot," Strider  
  
teased, crossing his arms. As his fellow man turned beet red, a box  
  
flew through the air only to slap Aragorn in the back.  
  
"Aaah! It BIT me!" he cried, just as Boromir had. His friend only  
  
snickered as Sam approached the box.  
  
"Holy SHIT!" Sam shouted, and the Fellowship looked with shock at the  
  
cursing hobbit. "It's the [censored] [censored] OATMEAL MAN!!!" The  
  
young hobbit jumped, terrified, into the arms of Pippin, who allowed  
  
the other to topple onto him. They crashed to the ground, rendering  
  
Sam unconscious, and leaving Pippin dumbfounded, still drooling.  
  
Frodo gingerly attempted to pick up the box, when a lost squirrel  
  
hopped naively onto it. The smiling "oatmeal" man then viciously  
  
bit the creature in half, devouring it all, and returning back to its  
  
friendly state with a smile.  
  
"Bloody Hell," muttered Frodo in awe. "It really MUST eat hobbits!"  
  
"Uh, is it supposed to do that?" wondered Gimli out loud, scratching his beard thoughtfully.  
  
Finally, after a moment of reflecting silence, Aragorn yelled, "RUN!!" and the Fellowship ran for their lives away from the cereal  
  
box.  
  
**TWO FEET LATER**  
  
"I *gasp* can't *pant* run *choke* any *deep breath* more!" Strider  
  
gasped, falling to the ground, out of breath. The others silently  
  
agreed. Finally Sam and Merry awoke from their unconscious state.  
  
"What happened?" asked Sam curiously, massaging his temples, which  
  
pounded furiously due to Pippin falling on top of his head.  
  
"Sam, I am SO sorry I didn't believe you about that oatmeal box  
  
thing," Frodo apologized sincerely. "If it weren't for that  
  
squirrel......"  
  
"Wait a minute! Squirrel?"  
  
"Long story," Frodo panted, still tired from his previous jog. Sam  
  
whirled around and stared at the box only a few feet away, and agreed  
  
mentally that it must have indeed been a long story.  
  
**THAT NIGHT**  
  
In the dark folds of the cool, perilous night, blah, blah, blah, as I, the narrator  
  
explained in the beginning, Legolas, Sam, and Frodo were huddled  
  
around a small fire, scheming. Pippin and Merry were high on their  
  
hobbit weed, Boromir was squatting while rocking back and forth muttering  
  
something about chickens and penguins, Gimli was on stilts and  
  
boasting about how tall he was (when suddenly he tripped over the  
  
crouched Boromir, fell into a tree, and was attacked by chickens and  
  
penguins), and Aragorn was sleeping, dreaming about Arwen and the  
  
magical My Little Ponies. Back to the group around the fire......  
  
"Is anyone else angry about the fact that we're always perceived  
  
as 'gay?'" Legolas interrogated the two hobbits, brushing out his  
  
long, lustrous blonde hair.  
  
"Excuse me, Leggo, but what do you mean people think I'm 'gay?'"  
  
Frodo demanded angrily of the Elf, narrowing his beautiful blue eyes in suspicion.  
  
"Oh, come now, you don't think that no one hasn't noticed you two  
  
have a thing going on," Legolas mused, now adding a bit of gel to his  
  
glimmering hair.  
  
"We do NOT have a THING," Frodo defended himself, although Sam still  
  
crouched silently.  
  
"Well then, what about YOU, Sam?"  
  
"Well, I guess I don't care what people think, because I am gay."  
  
"WHAT??!!" Frodo exclaimed, utterly surprised.  
  
"Mr. Frodo, who wouldn't desire you?" Sam asked, his eyes dreamy,  
  
filled with impure thoughts about his Master. "I happen to know a  
  
girl named Alexa who also wanted to--"  
  
"ENOUGH," Frodo silenced him. "What about you, Leggy?"  
  
"Well, I'm only bisexual," Legolas answered, finally stopping with his hair. "As I had began before, aren't you tired of it?"  
  
"Well, even though I just found out, yes, I am tired of it," Frodo  
  
agreed, nodding vigorously.  
  
"I think it's time we beautiful....um, beautiful..." Legolas was  
  
lost for words at describing both Hobbits and Elves.  
  
"Hairy?" supplied Sam helpfully.  
  
"Beautiful, hairy creatures stood up for ourselves. What do you say  
  
we start a mutiny?"  
  
"What's a mute-a-nanny?" questioned Sam in bewilderment.  
  
"We turn against our leaders and take over the world," explained the  
  
immortal. "Now, what do you say?"  
  
"I say Frodo and I go find a bush to do some impure things!" put in Sam stupidly, but hopefully, only to  
  
receive blank stares.  
  
"ANYWAY, I think the power has already shifted......" Frodo  
  
grinned. "After all, there IS more of us than them."  
  
"But there's five of them and three of us!" the Elf said.  
  
"No, Merry and Pippin are on our side."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Because they're hairy creatures."  
  
"But Gimli is one Hell of a hairy creature too!"  
  
"Yeah, but he's not gay or bi."  
  
"Neither are Merry or Pip."  
  
"Yeah, but they're hairy."  
  
"So is GIMLI."  
  
"But he's not--"  
  
"FINE," Legolas finally agreed. "Now, what's the plan?"  
  
"Plan? We're supposed to have a plan for a mute-a-nanny?" Sighing,  
  
the Elf then explained AGAIN what they had to do.  
  
"So yes, we must have a plan," he told Frodo.  
  
"What IS a mute-a-nanny anyway?" asked Sam.  
  
"WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST SHUT UP AND MOVE ON!??" I, the narrator, yelled  
  
at them with utter frustration.  
  
"We are not people, anyway, we are Hobbits and an Elf." SAM.....  
  
Suddenly the stupid, git of a hobbit disappeared with a poof.  
  
"Where'd Sam go?" Frodo asked me.  
  
"He'll be back later," I promised. And so the Elf named Legolas and  
  
the hobbit named Frodo, all through the night, schemed up such a plan  
  
that would indeed turn the power over to them.........  
  
* * * * *  
  
Frodo was awoken in the middle of the night by a loud whistle and a  
  
cat call. Rolling over onto his side, he shrieked at the sight of Sam,  
  
naked as the day the Valar made him, except for a rather skimpy  
  
thong. Blocking his big goo-goo eyes, Frodo gritted his teeth and  
  
asked,  
  
"What in Middle Earth are you wearing, Sam?" Sam, slightly taken  
  
aback, scanned his form, and replied,  
  
"To tell you the truth, Mr. Frodo, I don't know." If they could have heard me then, they would have known by my merciless laughter that I had done this. Muwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
"Go put on some of my spare clothes!" hissed Frodo, covering his head  
  
with the blanket. Sam, excited at the chance to smell like his Mr.  
  
Frodo, skipped off to find his bag.  
  
* * * *  
  
The next morning was cool and crisp, as the Fellowship, now slightly  
  
lost due to the events of their yesterday, resumed their journey to Lorien. Although that message that Aragorn had.. well.. SORT OF read still  
  
lingered in everyone's  
  
thoughts......  
  
Suddenly, out of the middle of nowhere, a knight jumped out from  
  
behind a tree.  
  
"Who are you?" requested Aragorn, still leading the company. The  
  
knight pulled out a bow, notched an arrow, and shot at Boromir.  
  
"It BIT me!" he cried in agony when the arrow pierced his forearm AGAIN. Frodo shook his head in disgust.  
  
"Oh, not THIS again..." he muttered under his breath. Aragorn took  
  
the arrow, which, once again, did NOT pierce Boromir's flesh, and  
  
gave  
  
the message to Legolas to read.  
  
" 'I, the Black Knight, challenge you, the Fellowship, to a duel. A  
  
sword fight, in other words. I have observed your company, and found that Boromir is  
  
a baby, Sam is gay, Pippin and Merry are drug addicts, Gimli's not  
  
important, Aragorn can't read, Frodo is a nitwit, and Legolas is a  
  
pansy.' "  
  
Legolas looked up curiously at the black Knight, refusing  
  
to attack the man that had called him a pansy in order to have a  
  
chance to ask him a question, who was clothed in all red.  
  
"Begging your pardon, but how do you claim to be a Black knight if  
  
you dress  
  
in red?"  
  
Quickly he also muttered quietly, "Lle n'vanima ar' lle  
  
atara lanneina! You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny!" No  
  
MAN called Legolas a pansy!  
  
The man lifted his helm's visor to reveal a black man's face.  
  
"Well, I'm a black man, so I figure I'm a black knight. Got a  
  
problem with that?" he demanded.  
  
  
  
"Of course not!" Aragorn laughed mirthfully. "I will fight you!" He  
  
then unsheathed his sword and got into a fighting stance.  
  
"On guard!" commanded the knight, and so the two began. They were  
  
almost of equal talent, when suddenly Aragorn slashed at man and cut  
  
him.  
  
"Oh, now you're sure to win," complimented the Black Knight, as they fought on.  
  
"Oh, no, I could never have blocked such a blow like yourself,"  
  
Aragorn returned.  
  
"Yes, but I should bleed to death in less than an hour, making you the winner." Frodo  
  
watched with puzzlement.  
  
"I don't get it. Shouldn't they be less friendly with one another?"  
  
Everyone ignored the little hobbit, as they were busy watching the  
  
battle. "Sam," whispered Frodo, "Isn't that the black knight from  
  
another  
  
story?"  
  
"Of course, Mr. Frodo," Sam replied, eagerly watching the  
  
warriors. "But this is Middle Earth." They left it at that.  
  
Finally, after roughly an hour later, the Black Knight did indeed  
  
bleed to death, as he had predicted. Legolas, Sam, and Frodo  
  
dispatched with the whole "mutiny" thing, after thorough research on  
  
how Aragorn could possibly kill them. The Fellowship then wearily traveled on,  
  
hopefully not to encounter such adventures again before Lothlorien,  
  
and indeed did not do so. They reached the lovely wood, but only to  
  
be greeted by strange little voices inside their heads......  
  
**BUT THAT IS ANOTHER STORY......** 


End file.
